A COMBAT INFANTRYMAN'S ROCKY ROAD

BY DAWN BAUMGARTNER VAUGHAN

 DURHAM HERALD SUN May 26, 2012

dvaughan@heraldsun.com; 919-419-6563

DURHAM – Only a combat infantryman really knows the experience of his fellow grunts. Curtis P. Gay, 65, spent nine months as a combat infantryman in Vietnam, from 1966 to 1967. He wrote a memoir of his experience, from green replacement soldier to veteran sergeant with a chest wound.

Gay’s recollections in his self-published “One More Sunrise: Memoir of a Combat Infantryman in Viet Nam” came out first in therapy sessions for post-traumatic stress disorder. After 40 years of self-medicating with alcohol, Gay got sober, got religion and a diagnosis and treatment for PTSD.

The battles and gunfire and death Gay writes about are as close to him today as they were in 1966 when he was 19 years old. He grew up poor in central Illinois and joined the Army a year out of high school. His older brother had made the Marines a career, and his brother’s move to New Bern eventually led Gay to Durham, where he worked in the electrical industry.

Only recently has Gay dealt with what happened on the other side of the planet two generations ago. He’s on disability now. Part of the treatment for PTSD is immersion, and Gay wrote down the details of what happened in Vietnam. Most of it is in his book, but not all of it.

“Everyone knew something was wrong with me, but they didn’t know what,” Gay said. He described PTSD symptoms like nightmares, isolation, flashbacks, distrust, mood swings and anger.

“I have to have things structured or it upsets me greatly,” Gay said, likening it back to his military service when structure was in place because lives were at stake.

“For most guys, Vietnam veterans especially, it was just not accepted into society to talk about it. You just sucked it up and went on. So you deal with self-medication and throw yourself into work. When you retire, there’s nowhere to channel that energy,” he said.

After a bad first marriage, Gay has been married to his wife Susan for 24 years. He didn’t share too much of his war experiences with her or his three daughters before his memoir.

Three or four years ago, Gay met up with a few of his fellow infantrymen from their company, and they attended a convention for the 35th Infantry Regiment Association. They served in the 2nd Battalion, 35th Infantry Regiment, Third Brigade Task Force, 25th Infantry Division.

“Being in each other’s presence was strong. It was really comforting,” Gay said. A few of them have also been diagnosed with PTSD. “When you’ve been through what we’ve been through, you have a hard time explaining it. They’ve been there with you. They know.”

Most of Gay’s combat memories are under the surface. Some are buried, he said. Some he lives daily. He didn’t get to say goodbye to his fellow soldiers when he left Vietnam. He was shot in the chest and taken out of the country.

When Gay flew into Chicago in April 1967, he wasn’t aware that the tone of the country had changed. Protesters at the airport shouted and spit at him, he said, though a cab driver welcomed him home. Gay said he’s glad that the country today has learned that war isn’t the soldiers’ fault. After a year as a drill sergeant at Fort Dix, N.J., Gay left the Army.

In the past five years, as Gay has been diagnosed and treated for PTSD and written his memoir, he also found faith in God. Though he grew up in the church, his faith was shallow, and battlefields make atheists, he said. But when he turned his life over to God and gave up alcohol, he also surrendered to Christ, Gay said.

“The big advantage Christians have is we believe Jesus forgave us our sins. So many of us feel so guilty and beyond pardon for them, but at least if God can forgive you your sins, why can’t you,” he said.

Gay said his war experiences help him reach out to people he ministers to today, in particular homeless veterans. Gay is also the lay minister of Sanctuary United Methodist Church at Lakewood, a full-inclusion congregation.

“At this point in my life, it’s an advantage to me to help people suffering, who have been down rocky roads,” Gay said.